Pappa wants mamma naked
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
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It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
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I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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