mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
