He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
