this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
