these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
