Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
