Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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