I could have mohawked her pubes.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
