I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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