Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
How does it feel to date your dad?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
