Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
