Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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