Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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