And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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