I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He shit in the fireplace
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
