uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
