Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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