i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
