my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
