You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
