Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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