He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
