He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
