According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
