i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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