I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
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It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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