i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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