yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
