her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
