If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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