I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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