C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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