I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
