Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
