my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Randomize
