Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
