I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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