I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
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