so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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