just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
