hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
