and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
