please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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