I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
