Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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