He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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