took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
