If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
