i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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