who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
