smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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