I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
