he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
