Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
