You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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