We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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