is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
