I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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