Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
