she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
