He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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