not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
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