Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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