im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
pop tarts are not kleenex
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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