it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
the liver wants what the liver wants
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
