I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
