you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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