hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
