so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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