I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
